i soo wan to make frens with u. i soo wan to b close to u.i soo wan to fit in with u. u requested for something that i cant fulfill.now, its endless. now i dun even dare to touch the com. at most i keep this blog alive by posting everyday.thats all lor. i watched this new cantonese drama and now everytime i wan to cry. just finished crying from it. eye hurts.ow...dun b surprise if my eyes are swollen tmr. i can still cry now thinking of it...damn im like so...dumb? crying over drama.lol. now, thinking back of one part of wat mr yeo n yan feng told me. it totally make sense. ...lol i've grown up! im not this little girl playing with barbies anymore! but, i still look like a little girl.lol. my childhood fren, sec 4 now, ka chiao me. he call me like 'hey little girl, how old r u? pri 4?' stupid. he 1.78 sia.bully me. lol. i realised that there was a time i was taller than yw.lol.i pri 1 that time 1.23 but yw pri 1 that time 1.22.HAHA.but then...hais now yw is 30cm ++ taller than me.lol. eye still hurts. arhhh stop thinking.its just a drama. thx to dear papa, the space below my eye had an injury. in other words, he hit me -.- nid wear my specs for the whole day in sch liao.omg.i soo ugly >.< stupid lah.he say wan bring me go buy crumpler then ytd no one bring me go out then tdy i ask for it he say no time to buy -.- nvm, wait till nxt week. i suddenly feel very scared of the seniors leaving. I DUN WAN YANFENG TO LEAVE. cherish wat u have NOW.dun wait till the last few days of it then u regret not spending time with it. cherish ur mom,ur dad,ur family n everyone u have with u now. time will not wait for u n neither is it reversible. u have to think more than twice before u do something.cos crying over spilt milk is a stupid thing to do.k ur parents may b naggy, unreasonable, stubborn and sometimes even unagreeable. i feel that way too. but then, they r so important that u dun noe it. cherish them ok, u dunno wats in for u tmr.

Labels: but its too late

im starting to feel so afraid.
i dun wan to go to fb anymore.
i dun wan to go online in msn anymore.
heart beating...
hands trembling...
eu wei angry liao :( he is the only one i can tok to
but now he is not toking to me...
i nid help
no help available...
i cant get my mind straight
i cant think of anything
im cornered
theres no way out
a silent 'help...'

Labels: no way out

i wan to scream i wan to shout i A BITCHHHH N I NOE I AMMMMMMM. I FREAKING AACT CUTE PPL HAE ME EVEN I HATE MYSELFFFFFFF. I ADMIT IM IMMATURE COS I AMMMMMMMMMMM. I WONT SAVE MY BREATH.DUN ASK ME TO.COS U CANT DENY OR RUN AWAY FROM IT. LX U DUN NID TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE ANYMORE. I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES.PPL HATE ME OK? BACK TO 2009.SAME.I HATE MYSELF I MORE OF A BITCH THAN ANYONEEEE but i didnt say i gd in randori. ANW HATE THEN TELL ME OK? I CANT DO ANYTHING TO U. IM A SMALL FRY OK.lx should b in the competition NOT ME. GENEVIEVE I NOE U OSO ABIT DUN LIKE ME LAH.LX SENSORED UR NAME BUT I CAN FIGURE IT OUT. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... red,green,purple,blue,black,white all mixed together >.< WAT HAPPEN TO ME?????? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SRY OK I CANT HELP IT. IM A BORN BITCH.

Labels: my live video keep rewinding

my heart is beating fast.
i duno wat to do.
should i or should i not?
for ppl or for myself.which one goes first?
will i be able to lift my head after that?
am i being bad to myself?
my soft spots r getting me in trouble.
but i CANT confide to anyone.not even yanfeng or victor (they r the ppl i trust most.)
how to noe if someone is being true ornot?
such a big thing wont get forgotten so easily ba...
it will stay etched in the mind right.
2 roads to choose, both oso will regret.
dun choose? haha i wish.
im going mental.if i have any mental probs it will b split personality or nervous breakdown.
its easier said than done.
im jus 12, i havent even reach 13 y mus something likethat happen?
cos i stupid.when i have chance i nvr think properly.
i got punished with 3 i injured fingers on my right hand n i still continue. ...
stubborn bitch, hate myself.
im so stupid.
someone help me.
my kor cant help me, he powerless lor in that sch -.-
i nid to push the victor situation, frenship issues, seniors,judo n studies to one side n THINK properly.
if any of this leak out, jus nid one person to noe n im dead.
ppl will boo me down
guys think im bitch
gals think im bitch
all throw food at me
tchers get disappointed inform my parents n not only will i die, U will kena the police.
should i trust u?
u helped me wad now if i didnt do it wont i look bad? wont i b bad?.
its all my mom's frens fault. she shouldnt have put BPS as my 2nd choice...
i should b in bartley.
i duno wat to do...
im so sick n tired of it...
cry all u wan cos ppl can only see the top of the iceberg.
they cant c was is submerged below.
my devil n my angel fighting...
one say'girlll dun so stupid.'
other say' eh he help u leh, jus do it lahh.'
arghhhhhh...im so confused
stop fighting both of u. ...
my head is now in such a mess.
to lx: now scared liao lor, still dare come disturb me?
wats worst? i cant ask for an opinion.>.<
nid help but cant ask for it....

Labels: dun ask me wats the prob cos none of u will expect it if i tell u

lx n i had a mouth quarrel today, and of cos i won. i silenced her sia. wanna noe wat happen? feel free to come ask me. anw her contradictory caused her to lose. to victor, dealing with a person with shallow eng u have to USE shallow eng oso. anw, now i have 3 injured fingers on my right arm. my index finger hurt the most. i stupid lor, think that my fingernails short enough then bo chap, today kena lor.pain sia.so from today onwards, i learnt a lesson, when senior say mus cut nails means mus cut cos cfm got reason one. btw, i told emil that 'i like him but i dun love him' today. FINALLY. thx to jonas ^^ its his birthday today anw. i ask for his help then suddenly, emil said hi to me.then i panicked. jonas told me not to give false hope. like then stead.dun like then tell him in his face.lol.its like wat yan feng told me earlier on. i rejected someone for the first time. ...wow. yanfeng said that tmr got seniors that graduated before she even enter bps, coming back, she say the training will die. she also said that ppl kena pumping from them, push up until the wrist n knees bleed. OMFG. can i skip tmr training with her? lol jk jk. yay gonna buy crumpler.today's mood not so bad. i accomplished wat victor wanted do ( above the me n lx mouth fight thingy ) hahah. its a piece of cake.watever lx say can kena counter from me. in a quarrel u have point out all the wrong things they do (e.g contradictory...etc etc) LOUDLY. if anybody stupid enough to say 'Jealous arh?' after u point it out, counter again lah. tell her who would b jealous of someone that did watever-he-or-she-did-wrong. this is enough to shut them up.lol.

Labels: use shallow eng with a person with shallow so she can say that she dunno wat u toking about when u use chim words haha

i duno y, but whenever i blog i feel so emo. god this is not me...its the 2009 me, whr i emo 24 hrs n rarely smile at anyone, if i did, it jus appear in a flash. but i planned to change all this when im in 2010, i dunn wan ppl to c the emo side of me. so pleaseee someone, crack a joke for me. there r reasons for me to cry, to get angry n to smile away everyything and i cant possibly list it all out so dun ask me for it. as i said only one person noes -.- . today like siian. singapore river, although very pretty but its boring. got alot of tourist. i especially hate the china tourists. is it very weird for me to sit on the floor and do my stupid assignments ? y do they have to stare? like asif they first time c until someone sit on the floor likethat. some even took pictures -.-''' diao. watever. its none of my business. hais...i scared of going for judo competitions i have 2 questions to ask. Q1. will there b like an audience? Q2.will my opponent b like damn fierce n pro,like yolande, and give me that i-hate-u look.lol.i gave that look to lx though, when i first time randori with her (she lost, like O:) i freezed when she fell.its like everything paused for a minute. aww edward gonna b a junior again.lucky i didnt put in much effort on that randori. dun wan sabo until the seniors. walao i tell u if Yan feng, genevieve,mabel,tiffany,victor...etc etc etc all the seniors except edward and ESPECIALLY YAN FENG (but i noe she won lose so easily) have to drop down to junior i tell u, im gonna hate that person to the core. when fighting with seniors i aim for a draw. if i can for once, draw, i try to win once. but if fight with same lvl de hor, i tell u, that i-hate-u look is going to appear again.lol.its a mus win no matter wat. then im gonna receive another ripped finger i guess. i forever finger injury only lah. im not so weak like lx. i drag her with the gi one time,she fall liao.and she nvr beat me before.LOL.im so mean MUA HA HA HA HA-*cough, ahem,*cough *cough. lol.

Labels: lx hates her own atitude LOL wait till the day when she realise that kerstin is actually herself hahahaha

siian...sat in a corner n watch my group the ppl do their stuff today, then they ALL come ask me y i emo, was like 'got meh?' . i feel very useless >.< . cant cheer anyone up. especially when i c so many ppl emo. its contagious. now i kena it liao. hais ... i seem to have the tendency to avoid *someone . DUN ASK ME WHO. n dun worry, its not emil. siian...again, tmr nid go to singapore river -.- which means no judo. fck. i rather run 20 rounds in sch hall jus to exchange to go for judo. ppl tthink im mad cos i like tough training. i asked for PT instead of games when after the training. last PT, was determined not to stop running, then became the first junior gal to reach the sch hall.yay? i beat emil, like o.o . do u noe after every tough training i feel proud of myself for acomplishing it then i ask myself to 'GANBATTE' for a tougher one. n weirdly, it was fun :P i dun like the push ups though, now right arm had a larger muscle than the left arm. played trauma center and coincidently i have a patient call emilio. lol? i love ice cream. today lx's beloved mom treat me, xx n lx to jap food, but me n xx too paiseh to eat anything n xx n i chosed the food all almost the same one. like:handrolls, we shared 4 plates of sushi ( cheapest plate somemore ) shared, cos theres a pair so we exchange, she gimme one i give her one. total me n xx only spent lx's mom $12.60. wah break record. i had a few spoons of miso soup nia. xx ate abit of lx's chawamushi ( did i spell wrongly? ) n got this creamy thing, they ate 2 plates of it. OH! n lx's mom bought the whole box of cheesecake and gave us each a slice. omg still count that? was nice but i went home with half a empty stomach. too ps liao. so ask my father buy bread for me lor. do u noe xx n lx were eating the stripped white carrot with soya sauce? i tried but it jus taste bitter at the end. so i stop :X and they finished the whole plate of it.like wtf.

Labels: i contracted the emo disease

like the headings, i had a finger injury...again. this time its bleeding, abit, under my ring finger...AGAIN. no big deal, just that i cant pull ppl that hard for the time being. i hate ms jane tan, shes a bitch, she can catch me for the skirt, which isnt that short, WHEN WE R QUEUEING FOR FOOOD. like wtf. she thought that i felt embarressed having to un roll my skirt -.- diao, it isnt AT ALL. lol wanna action sibo? got upper sec to catch, dun wan catch come catch me -.- wat? scared they come find u? stupid. my skirt had been of the same length for the past 6 or 7 week -.- . nobody likes her every body, lower sec n upper sec told me that shes a bitch, shes not a gd tcher...lots. dun she feel ashamed of herself? chill....anw my father's gonna bring me to buy mii crumpler this sat/sun. although nid use ang pao money but idc :P. gonna buy the same crumpler as yanfeng ^^ lol victor said that lx's grammer sux n annabel's vocab sux.haha. now lx wanna stab one eng pro one.lol. do i hav any eng prob? hope i didnt. i realised...victor n jonas's voice are like the same! at first i wasnt looking then i noe jonas n victor toking then like...y is victor toking to himself? LOL. joel voice oso sound abit the same. haha im gonna zap ppl if hav chance to go to maybe library or com lab :P c ppl jump. hahah. static shock, u noe? zap someone while they r doing homework the best, they will scribble until their H.W hahah. electric gal here.

today was a cold cold day...alone with myself i played com, fb-ed, msn with victor n mabel then skype-d with EU WEI!!! chat only.its actually snowing inside... . ok im being stupid. ytd my sis asked, 'y face so black?' was like,'got meh?' then i hav to like force this smile. ... i feel like a zombie ... so lifeless. ppl smile i smile. hahah? sometimes ... its jus not real. ok maybe u guys dun understand wats not real but im sure one person does. fine. say i act emo, im a bps bitch, i immature, hav hopeless dreams. ( ok though i have to admit im quite immature.lol.) is life suppose to b like that? u c, my frens, lx n used-to-be fren annabel, one of them stands a chance n the other ... alrdy succeeded ( for xx, her mind havent developed the feeling called 'love' if u noe wat i mean ). grats. feel happy for u. n for some dumb sec 1s, if u say that someone older than u is childish / immature or watever, than u r indirectly insulting urself cos u will b more childish than them.dots. make sure watever u wanna insult him / her gets through ur brain before it comes out of ur mouth or fingers. oh i wan ask victer a ques, does my eng suck? hope i not same as her or the other her >.< lol im so mean, somebody slap me.

msn-ed > sad-ed > slept ... thats for the day

i saw something on my fb wall...nvm shall not mention cos u all noe wat it is. anw today tried not to sleep but then last period, ms abrahem's eng, fell deep deep asleep. wake up that time alrdy end sch liao.lol. then i JUST rmb today is kor b-day, after sch went to j8 with xx n lx, took like 30min to decide wat to buy.heheh. lucky today got 25 % discount for non members.if not i nid sacrifice lunch.lol. can ask every sec 1 a ques, y mus u all aim at the sec 4 n 3 but not sec 2s? so ke lian sia they all :P. then Ismail told me a guy in 2T1 like me o.o. he mus b crapping i dunno anybody from 2T1. aiya heck care all this first. i wan to noe wat elaina looks like, y ppl say i look like her??? i wonder if she got fb acc, go track her down.lol.jk jk. haiz ... esther like ******. WALAO EH >.< . no life n vasterd's war very scary. i shock, like wth. but xx is right, their personalty clashed together. i havent c anyone smile. smile for me lah.

... o.o emil ask me for stead i dunno wat to say to him ... i wan to ask one ques ... is he emo or does he get emotional? i so scared of hurting him sia ... i had experience the same thing before n i noe wat it feels like ... tomorrow got judo x.x i now i finally understand how victor felt ... he dunt noe wat to do, he didnt wan to hurt lx so he decided to drag it on n treat her nicely but he forgot one thing - the consequences of doing it. wat to dooooooo??? ? SOMEBODY TELL ME WAT TO DO. its the first time im experiencing this >.< n i dunno wat to dooooooo ... 'give me reason, to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean..' New Devide - Linkin Park. but ppl let me tell u one thing that is absolutely true, bestfrens r better if they are from the opposite sex cos like that then nth to fight bout wat. hmmm...kor b-day coming liao i wonder wat thing to buy for him...ideas anyone?

Labels: bestfrens from the same sex equals to fragile frenships n easily quarrel

wow yw tagged ^^... anw, i have to say new yr is...boring? all i did everyday is go to my grandma's house n nth more. i forgot that today is half day in my sch n yeah, slacked in sch n bbt - again. hmmm...i somehow think benny is trying to hint lx that he likes her.lol. he msg-ed lx today in the middle of the class party n she freaked. she said that she feel scared. =.= dots. scared for wat? she duno wats the meaning of lucky, i mean, come on lah SEC 4 LIKE HER LEH. ...back to the slack-in-sch-again part. i sat in the canteen with xx n lx then i told them all the scary stuff girwina told me.lol. half way through joel appeared then start all the 'emil...emil...' thing again =.= haiz...y ka chiao me? should go a chiao him lorh oso not i like him. then suay suay emil appeared then like keep taking pic of me >.< wth. especially when im cam shy. aaaaaahhhh ywwww >.< i wan go bartleyyyyy. oh ya, went to sch my self today n so lucky, when i board the lx was in there :P she was meeting the...the...benjamin young...another upper sec =.=. ok i understand that some upper sec look quite ok - but u-noe-who still better- but does she have to like keep expanding her social duno wat thing between upper secs???lol sia. she ask benjamin to b her kor.lol. i rmb how cavell ask me to b his mei...lol n lx think he sec 1 LOL.nice one.

happy valentines day to you-know-who, all myfrens, my fav seniors n seniors. ... stupid dumb bel go push me today. bump into a guy. then she gave me sarcasm =.=. bitch lah. i had 2 plans just now. i was so pissed i almost go find her. she lucky that xiu xia drag me away or not there will b a bruise on my fist n her face. then i wan throw the orange principal gave us today at dumb bel but i scared sabo until ppl. later mr vasu say he give us orange then we throw then say dun wan give liao. ... went back to ATS. saw yew wei ^^. forgot to ask him for sweets :P haha. i didnt saw yan feng the whole day after flag raising :'( slacked in sch. girwina told me alot scary stuff bout BPS at the detention area( slack there.lol.) damn scary i dun think i going to the judo camp. saw zoey oso, her voice like looowwww. when i went back to sch nobody recognise me cos i cut hair.lol. jx say i become ah lian/ pai kia.lol. whr got. im still the same person

Labels: is it me or did yew wei shrink

dear bloggie, ppl not visiting u. haiz... >.< wait, my old frens bo chap me liao :( shall give this to new frens n seniors. yewwei u still there right? lol. went to LX house then to amk de mc donald. haiz...LX keep having that that 'wonderful' memory with victor at mc donald where they draw on each other's H.W -.- watever. smile.smile.smile. victor tell me to dun hide my emotions but i wonder how not to. so difficult. i hate portcast. must take so long to finish but i cant finish in time cos i cant go to LX house for too long.tsk. heheh. benny like LX wor. OOOOoooo haha got thing to ka chiao liao.haha revenge!!! waa LX so pro, sec4 de oso can like her. haiz...im a disgrace. nvm . let it b. shall not add salt n vinegar to the situation im in now X.X shall blend in to the background...oh ya. my new name in sch in Elaina -.- dis sec2 guy keep call me Elaina.my name is YUKI and im proud of it cos is jap name. dun change my name into Elaina >.< hmm...shall give yanfeng mii blog tomorrow... ... so happy that i took bus back to sch (7 ++ liao) allthough waste money but get to c yanfeng ^^ aiyo she so chio, jacket wor. haha.

Labels: i like yanfeng more than my own sis haha

this blog so 'quiet' ppl bo chap me liao. T.T. TAGGG PLS >.< today kena detention from fatty jane tan.she is like the reason i hate art now.anw im lucky today cos jane tan nvr shout in my ear n ask me clean table. go inside there 30 secs nia. atleast nvr miss my cca. went to hall that time sec 2 still CDT. nth much... hope mr petersen wont keep scold yanfeng n a bunch of ppl again. yanfeng is like THE BEST SENIOR EVER. i treat her like my sis. luv her sia. life is boring -.-. did groundwork today.kns. i gave up in midway, too tired liao. let the gal win lah. i feel like im not ready for new yr. its like i dun wan it to come. i dun like my family members. i wish i have a real kor that treat me very nice. haiz...bennnnyyy n joeelll bully me. keep say me n emil -.- like im the one that like him. is he like me. waa first senior to like me. i feel so honoured.lol. though i dun like him more than a fren. ZZZzzz my eyelids so heavy...ZZZzzz