Sunday, August 22, 2010
i dunno y, i think thrs something wrong with me... sometimes, a feel alittle bit like im not controlling myself n thrs like something controlling me by abit n when tht happens i'd b all giggly, n laughing n smiling ( a wide smile somemore ) then all this could change just with someone asking me happily tht ' wah yuki! u tdy look so happy ^^ ! ' then i would start thinking ' wats the reason for me to b so happy when ... ( negative stuff~ ) n y m i laughing so crazily? ' but thrs something tht will nvr change, its tht permanent smile tht blocks all this. anw, aftertht i would still b laughing n all but not as extreme as before. sometimes when im alone ( like a few mins ago ) my thoughts start to run, wander... n while tht happen i suddenly think tht she* doesnt like me anymore. she used to do all tht just cos she dun wan the judo club n judokas to to b less bonded. she just want judokas too b bonded to *survive. ok i noe tht sounds silly but i tried explaining things to myself to get out of tht thought but the conclusion at the end would still b the same :( its like thr r 2 yuki-s having a debate over this at the positive yuki ISNT WINNING. i keep telling myself in my heart tht' no lah she wouldnt do such a thing...' then suddenly negative yuki ans me ' y not? ...(negative stuff...) ' n she always sound so right. the things tht positive yuki 'told' me sounds like a fairy tale tht is too gd to b true. its like she just wants me to stop thinking of all tht n wants me to b happy, which is a gd thing but its not working cos like i say - its too gd to b true. im finally posting my real thoughts cos i feel very 'stuffy' having bottled up all this n not having someone to tok to like last time. after i lost my fone, i lost tht someone tht always have a listening ear n tht person was so far the 2nd person in my 13yrs of living tht i can trust to tok to. the 1st person was victor, he always have some wise words. but now since his gen's n his having his o'lvls i dw to bother him Labels: im losing myself n my mind |
I would be your girl Hi there. My name is Yuki Chauu~. I opened my little eyes on 11 April 1997. My best friend is JANA♥. Yes, i know, Apple and Blackberry were originally just some Be us against the world. I'm no longer your muse. December 2009 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 We'd keep all our promises. Layout: Beyond.theSky- Background: Fivepointsapart Image: Photobucket **There'll be under no circumstances, the usage of my basecodes.** I'd really appreciate it if you bothered to respect that. Also, have a heart and don't ever remove the credits. |