blogging with a troubled mind... but dun wanna pour it this time. i was to pour it to one pair of ears only but thr seem to b none .

things happen so quickly...i got no time to react. everything seem so stressful to me its like nothing i do is right these days. this sch, is like a battlefield. but the most pressurizing thing is when u have 2 frens n they r on different sides. i noe you'd all say ' just pick the one u like more ' but wat if u pick one of the choice n the others get hurt? and if u dun pick, U get hurt? i just dunno n dun wan this kind of thing anymore...i wan go back in time n change everything. i dunno wat to do, i wish positive yuki would appear in front of me now n give me a reassuring hug n tell me those fairytales to relieve me for awhile. i also realised, wat i want is not those stupid lovey dovey stuff, i wan siblings, frens n family-like love. i just wan ordinary love u get everyday from ur mom, maybe dad. sisters n brothers. i just wan ppl to care. i also realise this is cos at home, its not really very nice. ppl dun understand me although they've known me for 13 yrs! my sis? she keeps nagging n scolding like fuck. my father , aunts, relatives they keep saying tht i nvr studying when is they ownself nvr see until. then, whenever my sis quarrels with me she would call up my aunts n tell them all the bad stuff, nvr once did she tell them i did something gd. n naturally they would have this bad impression of me stuck in their. there r times when they say ' u wan die ah? u so fast wan go find ur mother ah?' then i will yin zhe tou pi say ' ya i wan go find her.' then they would say something which is damn evil , n they even treat it as a joke. they say ' even if u "go up" ur mom wouldnt wan to see u cos u drived her to her grave.' they keep saying stuff like as if i was responsible for my mom to leave and as if it doesnt hurt. ya, they thought it doesnt hurt cos i had been smiling at them ALL THE TIME. continue on 2nd post.