its only 56 mins left to christmas
and my mood just... dunno. flunctuate? swing?
feel like apologising to the ppl i've treated badly this year
now wan me count like got a few
im so bad. ima bitch.

then again i wanna give myself a fucking tight slap
and shout at myself to ' MOVE ON!!! GET ON WITH LIFE!!! '
arghhh i siao alrdy
fa yang dian. relapse of mental prob.
siao eh. i emo for wat?
tmr is christmas le
must b happy.
i think i seriously got mental prob
awhile happy
later hand itchy or kpo
see something or WOTEVER
then emo. haha.

AIYAAA!!!!!!
I EMO FOR WATTT???
I WAN TO BEAT MYSELF UP
FOR BEING STUPID...
lalalalala. no im ok.

just now i went youtube saw alot of rabbit
got one type of bunny
the eye so freakishly huge
so scary. HAHAHA!
no. no no nooooo
fluffy cuter. NO
she cutest. HAHAHHA!!!

just suddenly wish i can die for tht sec 3 senior...
WTF. NO. WHY DID I SAY THT? lol
i anyhow spam.
lol just now tht one was crazy talk
i too young to die
hahahas.

lalalalaaaa.
'rocking on a rocking chair~' - ( rocking chair over turn )
OWWWWWW!!!!

i cannot find a way to describe it
it's thr inside
all i do is hide
i wish tht it would just go away
wat would u do,
you do, if u knew?
wat would u do?

all the pain
i thought i knew
all the thoughts
leads back to u
back to wat
was nvr said.
back n forth inside my head
i cant handle this confusion
im unstable
someone plsss, come n take me away from here

i feel like i am all alone
all by myself
i need to get around this
my words r ( freaking ) cold (when i matters )
i dun (NVR) wan to hurt u
if i show u
i dun think u will understand
cos no one (ever) understands...

as soon as i get my new fone
shld b w508 bah.
father dun wan me get ex fone
cos he say later end up in pieces again
then he heartpain. lol
im gonna find some very mature ppl to tok to
someone tht will explain things to me
make me laugh
nvr hurt me
always thr for me
nvr ever kup my fone.

like the last 2 i have
they all left me le :'(

dunno whether got anymore ppl like tht
exist in the world not

Labels: btw merry christmas ppl. dun think much will see this

wah. so late le
but still cannot sleep.
this afternoon sleep too much le
heheh. using cousin de laptop
so good lor got laptop
but this lappie is freaking slow
my uncle bought from sales. -.-
lols.

i wasted the whole holiday
eat. sleep. eat. sleep
or not is
train. train. train.
didnt do much.
hmmm. i went to dk house with jana
a few times.
^^ his dogs so cute
Lucky n Coco.
jana say lucky will bite ppl when got carried up
but she nvr bite me ley. haha
tht time after i leave the house
jana say lucky went emo
haha :P
n coco...
SO CUTEEE
she slept on my lap
went to eat at kfc with yf n mr yeo
twice this whole hol.
yf got visit judo a few times :DDD
n other than tht i did nth
i like lifeless like tht

i think some basterd or bitch
go hack into my fb acc
atfirst got 89 unknown fren request
which i ignored cos i dunno them
then this wed go back
left 5.
knn i nvr even accept my aunt fren request
go back n see, she go comment on my post
-.- thts the reason i nvr accept them
fren is say something they dun like
must KPO.
my acc. my status. my frens.
my limited freedom to post watever i wan
to make the frens i wan
ji shi lun dao ni shuo hua?
nvm change password liao
if i found out who fiddle with my acc
I'LL KILL YOU!

i have something to say
i dun like guys who act ah beng
just cos the fren is one
oh puh-lease! so wat if he ur bro
big shot ah?
he abandon u le
u how?

ZHEN QI YI DIAN!

omg i so jing shen tht
i can do maths now.
howww??? cannot sleep!!!
fb all one by one go sleep liao.

tmr i going to b a baby-sitter
i nid babysit my cousins.lol
ok thts freaking random.
nth to say le

merry X'mas eve peeps!
and bb
as i try to find something to do

Labels: all i want for christmas is youuuuu~

ytd. i kena insulted twice -.-
wat suay day is tht?
was in a bus with YFFF, jana n dk.
i said something real mean abt someone
then i realise i damn bad
so i slap my face lightly.
then dk say ' come i help u slap '
i havent even say anything
his palm come n slap me.
quite hard. n pain sia.
i pissed then i scold him
quite loud. i scold ' KNN '
then i start mumbling all the vulgarities
i kick him then slap him
then got this aunty say i keep scold
she niam niam niam.
then i like tok back abit.
then yf come n tell me dun tok back
i say cuz dk slap me
thts y i piu cui.
dk say ' wat? i slap her like tht only '
then he go slap jana.
( i kena shock abit. lol. )
jana say pain n piu another
' fuck u '
then tht auntie niam n niam n niam
got off the bus the auntie still scold
first insult, she at first say i from pri sch
ok i noe this one no big deal. lol
but still, i dun like.
second insult, she say my parents nvr teach me -.-
wah i getting damn hot
i shoot her one ' I NO MOTHER EH, KNN.'
haha, later on i slap my mouth for saying tht
then the rest is all yf shoot back
third insult, she say we all hooligans -.-
lol she nvr see before real one
thts why
she siao one.
say wan noe our address
she say ' u all r going to b the future sg citizens...blah blah '
by tht time she alrdy die lo.
then she say wan call bps
call lah. see she can find all of us
jana going to cut hair
i going let my fringe grow longer
all going to change look le
see how she find
she say as senious citizens she have the
rights to take care of us -.-
i mumbled one ' u my mother ah? '
omg seriously y i keep scold got the ' mother' inside one?
LOL. she cfm + chop cannot find yf
then yf n dk keep shoot
until she walk away
heheh. i noe whr the aunty live
quite close to dk house

go home late n quarrel with family
quarrel until like shit
again my aunty scold me n say
' go out b ah lian, ah huay
be hooligan lah '
i seriously think not alot ppl
noe wat is hooligan
cfm is they nvr see before
then abit abit say hooligan
later ppl like them
anyhow go out n say ah lian, ah huay
got 7th slashing incident. lol. :X

i told myself after kena scold
tht ' everyone needs somebody to tell them
its alright cuz i understand.'
and its something
they wont say cuz everything i do is wrong to them.

Labels: IM GONNA GET A NEW FONE :P

i dun wan to bullied
no. i dun like it at all
when someone older than u
bigger size than u
older than u
have more power than u
bully u...wat can u say
wat can u do?
when u're me?
when u're so small
so physically weak
u cant do much
only thing to feel better is
to let it go.
and nvr show tht guy ur tears
haha. wat am i saying?

theres more than meets the eye.
is this retribution?
isit cuz i used to hurt emil before
then now im feeling the same?
i noe y he will give up on me.
now i think i about to?
hahaha
jonas told me something
n i swear. fucking fucking swear.
i rather dun noe tht
i rather noe nth at all
ignorance is bliss.

i dun wan to b like tht
i tried. i really tried
alot of times i ask myself
' y u like tht? u siao ah?
zhen qi yi dian. '
but...i cant stop ppl from telling me things tht hurt,
i dunno wat im gonna see next
n if it hurts i oso cant help it
cuz i dun noe.

now i dunno wat to do
i feel like running away from this world
i dun wan to noe
i dun wan to hear
i dun wan to see
and
i dun wan to love
cuz it hurts
it hurts more than a bullet straight through ur heart
n the worst thing is
tht wound heals slower than
any wound u ever noe
so ppl can pour salt n vinegar whenever they wan
im not being a sadist
its true
' haha ' is all tht i keep telling myself
i tell every one tht
but sometimes
its just so hard to hold back

yes, im weak.
im physically
n mentally weak
i have low iQ
im dumb im stupid
i fall into traps easily
i thought thrs nvr any guy worst than
my dad. my cousin.
no i was wrong.
not every guy is as good as they look

guys...most of them r like blocks of wood
u tickle their neck
they no feeling
u fucking kill yourself,
cry urself into a sad little pulp,
u cut urself like cutting paper.
they see n ask
u just say ' no its nth '
n they dun care le.
even if they noe they oso cant do much
anyway. so wats the point?
u love so u get hurt?
u not tired
i tired. im very tired
but...

It's hard to wait around
for something you know
might never happen ;
but it's even harder to
give up when you think
it's everything you want.

so im officially lost n confused
i dunno wat to do
who to believe
and
wat to believe.

better yet.
dun see
dun hear
dun noe
n dun love
be nth.
b a lil' kid
whr the only love u noe
is from ur mom, dad
family.

Labels: only stupid ppl will believe. like me.

i hope u can hear me
cuz i wanna say
they days u slipped away was they day
i found it wont b the same

go on,
tell them i was happy
i was stupid
i fall for everything, every word
tell them wat i wish for was impossible
n was this idiot
waiting, dreaming.
n i was this little idiot
in pain, but still standing?

urghhh. watever im being silly.
i dun even noe wat i saying now.lol

我要坚强。我不要做以前的小傻瓜。 haha.